so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize