When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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