HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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