walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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