I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
