Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
