I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
one two three fourrrrnication!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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