well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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