Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
