I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i dont even know how to be here
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
