I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize