do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
