is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize