Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
