Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
