Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
