I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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