...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
