their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
