What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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