he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
