I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
