i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm sobbing to NWA
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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