Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
