we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
how drunk are you?
Several
there is puke in my bra ... again
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
