Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
