I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
