South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
They took my balls.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
