I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize