I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
