Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
