Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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