Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize