"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
