Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
