wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
