member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
