What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
