i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
