I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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