the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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