I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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