I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
