So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
