So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I don't deserve a penis
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Randomize
