So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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