Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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