Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
where are my eyebrows?
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