I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
