why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
