yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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