Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
