I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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