I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
