I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
