i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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