hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
