I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
