dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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