I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
