I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
