I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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