i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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