I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
