What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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