she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just google imaged poop.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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