i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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