In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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