Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
