Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize