I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
