i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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