I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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