not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
