ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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