he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Less talking, more tequila
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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