I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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