honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
