we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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