I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
