i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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