it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
