Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
