please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We had sex on a dog bed..
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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