I need help removing her.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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