my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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