i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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