Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
