So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
