chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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