dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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