Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
