I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
