Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
