she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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