singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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