You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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