I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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